4 days left

And I jusr want to cry. Haha. Seriously, I dont know why this pattern keeps repeating. Perhaps it's because I have this fear I'll have a change of heart or something. Hayy.

I love it here…

huhuhu. I am dreading going back to the states. :(

Things on my mind

Spoke to Terry earlier and while I dont generally agree with her conservative beliefs, she said she likes to think simply so I'm gonna jot them down here:

Mom's health--well, she's fine right now and we'll just wait until we get back to HI and see what her specialists say.

Work situation--goal is to simply transfer to a different department. Craving for newness!

Not wanting to go back to HI partly because I'll miss the laidback life here--I know for a fact that I'll be back sometime within the next few months (11 months precisely) so I'll continue to earn my money until then :)

A booster

January 6, 2024--as I had mentioned, I previously took sertraline during the pandemic and stopped this year. It helped a lot and in all fairness to me, I learned to not depend on it. However, my excessive hopeless-ness as of recent prompted to start taking it again (like 10 minutes ago). I know that the sadness, feelings of gloominess, and even the thought of crying is a clear sign that my depression may be back. I won't depend on this, but I need a boost of happiness. :( Update: I took 25 mg and I generally feel calmer :)

Catastrophizing

January 6, 2024--Here I am thinking way ahead again. Sigh. Bit seriously, my mind is full of so my fear. :(

Twas a good day

January 5, 2024--Twas a good day. Perhaps one of the best days I've had since the beginning of the year. For once, it's nice to feel the sense of happiness. Perhaps because it wassimply really chill and I had nothing in my agenda, but it turned out to be a rather comforting day. Today consisted of commuting using the public transportation which I loved (something I haven't done in many years here in the PH), eating Jolly Hotdog at the very first Jollibee branch in our area (so much memories), And going to the town where I spent my early days pf elementary school, and introducing it to my 2 year-old nephew. I couldn't ask for more. These are the times and things that I appreciate more than anything in this world.

Emotional

I have been emotional for some time now (like when Fall started this year perhaps). You see, I have dysthamia and I took setraline for a while--which helped the imbalance, but has since stopped so I'm not if this is a contributing factor. But yeah, I get sad about tje littlest things. For instance, the remote control for our new TV is missing and I just want to cry about it. I know it's really silly but perhaps it's just a way for me to express all the frustrations I have. Sigh. To be fair, I feel like so many things go missing lately--my Zegna cap, my blanket, my shorts, even our dog PhilMar (which shattered my heart), so it's been just...frustrating.